I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
