saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
