Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
