dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
