my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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