As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
