Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my vagina is haunted
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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