6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
