I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
