I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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