You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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