He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
