her vagine was all disorganized.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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