I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
