3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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