note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
