I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
