and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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