i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
