Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
