i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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