Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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