no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
