Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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