Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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