Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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