Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
