How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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