I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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