I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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