rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
