I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Vodka?
Forever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
