I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
