Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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