i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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