I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
