Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize