Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
