I'm really into asian looking animals
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
