they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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