words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
