Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My cat gives me a boner
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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