She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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