Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
