We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
