If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
