Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
