Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
