drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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