Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
