I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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