He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
