Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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