Cold hands, warm shart.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
