I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
did you just send me my own nude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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