so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
