I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
