Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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