i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
