Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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