How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
