Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
