3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
