i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
