You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
