and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
