I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
