I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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