Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
