i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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