I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
