Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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